Interrogate this compulsion to make something that disappears.
In a cycle of searching, finding, then losing ideas physicalized in and through the body, whether it through moments of never repeated improvisation, or movement material carefully generated then later tossed out, a dance is in the constant state of disappearing. Then, there is the anticlimactic finality of performance. I try not to be too dramatic, but in the absence of dance’s corporeal existence, I begin a process of lamentation. I mean, “what happens to all that work?!” Dance after dance, I go through the grief cycle and find my way to acceptance. I go on, in the only way I know how, by going back to the studio, compelled to start something completely brand new, but inevitably find myself coming back to familiar ideas with revised language. I realize in these re-visitations and re-imaginations, there are lasting impressions made from the disappeared, lamented dance. Sometimes the traces left are invisible, leaving ways of knowing, of recognizing, of being. Sometimes they are visible and physical, leaving their marks through new predilections for moving. The beginnings and endings start to blur. And another process begins to unfold.
Words that linger from these thoughts. Spectrums. In betweeness.
Intervals (“Ma”) in Space and Time: Foundations for a Religio-Aesthetic Paradigm in Japan by Richard B. Pilgrim
“As a paradigm in Japanese culture, it affirms the power and meaning of intervals and gaps in time, space, and being that – when properly experienced reveal a rich reality of presence and place, a moonlight shining through the cracks and gaps in the gate, a world in between.”
“The realization of impermanence is the realization of the absolute relativity of all things as they arise and fall in consciousness moment to moment. In such a realization the world is emptied and filled anew in each moment, and nothing abides.”
“This negative space/time is therefore anything but a mere nothing awaiting the positive space/time; it is a pregnant nothingness that is ‘never insubstantial or uncreative.’”
Physicalizing these ideas. Turning them into rituals.
Warming up into presence
Solo and nosolo
Holding space for no one
Notes to self or someone.
It might not get any easier. But maybe you can carry it with the pleasures & recognition of that effort. That very particular effort that’s only to carry that burden, that loss. I remind myself it’s not about forgetting. Love, VD
You can stay where you are and enjoy the surroundings. Or leave for something new that refills you. It might change you. I hope you can be comfortable with that.
The sky is blue today. And the sea is orange. There is only one place to go. A place of space and dawn. The cabbage is roasting for you.